Mckay and I flew into Denver on Monday, July 14. The weather was very pleasant. We checked in to the hotel, and I found that everything was close--shopping, dining, sites to visit, etc. were all walking distance from the hotel. They also have a free shuttle bus to take you to places that are a little too far to walk. On Monday, we had a quick lunch at Subway, and McKay went to work and I went to explore. I did some shopping, and grabbed the most delicious nonfat frozen yogurt I've ever had. It was tart and had a real yogurt taste, and I loved it. I also shopped for some shoes for our New York trip (assuming that we would still be taking it) and a new purse. I came back and worked out at the hotel gym and then took a nap until McKay got in. We went to dinner at Maggiano's. We tried the sampler, and had TONS of food. Two appetizers, two salads, two entrees, and two desserts. They rolled us out of there with enough leftovers for the next night's meal.
On Tuesday, I worked out, and then had breakfast. Then, I called a friend in McKinney who is a cancer survivor and had just found out that she used the same surgeon that I will be going with. She had lots of glowing things to say about Dr. Canavan, and I got a lot of assurance from that. She recommended a book to read; Dr. Susan Love's Breast Cancer book. I was already armed with my backpack chock full of breast cancer reading material, but in the initial days, I wanted to read as much as I could about my breast cancer, so I was open to all suggestions. I took my first Dramamine on my plane ride to SLC, and found it to be the best thing in the world, as I usually cannot do so much as pick up a pencil from the ground without getting deathly ill from motion sickness when traveling. I was able to finish a whole book on the plane ride this time!
Anyway, after I talked to my friend, I took the bus to the State Capitol building. I joined a group who was taking a tour, and it was a nice distraction. It reminded me a lot of the Texas Capital building, which I visited in March with Andrew's 4th grade class. I had a nice visit, and was planning on going to the Denver Mint next. The group I was with on the tour informed me that you had to get those tickets well in advance, but advised me to check it out anyway, as "single" guests could get in standby if there was room available on the tour.
I decided to give it a try. The tour guides told me I would need to come back the next morning to try and get a standby ticket. I already had a blister on my foot, and asked if there was ANY way I could try and get in on a tour that day. They said, Wellll, OK. I did it! No promises that I would get in, but I had a good chance. Still, I would have to get rid of my purse and phone though, so I called McKay to meet me and take my belongings so I could go on the tour. I got there in plenty of time, and it turns out a woman and her son were taking the tour and had an actual ticket to spare, and asked if anyone wanted it. I piped up and said I was a single, and they gave it to me, and I was guaranteed to get in. Yes! The tour was interesting, and Denver and a city in California are the only cities that produce pennies. The mint in Fort Worth creates paper money, and we've yet to visit it, but I would like to take the kids out there some time.
McKay and I had our leftovers for dinner, and we stayed in for the night so I could do some more reading.
On Wednesday, I worked out and then did some more reading. McKay met me for lunch, and we had some yummy salads. I went in to the Barnes and Noble and looked for that book by Dr. Love. I read some of that, and then I shopped at some Denver gift shops, but wasn't interested in the overpriced stuff. Later I had some more of that yogurt with McKay and headed for the room. We planned on eating dinner at a local restaurant that served buffalo burgers, and then we went to the ESPN store and played some video games.
On my last day, I decided to go to the Denver Art Museum. I toured the whole place, and saw some things that impressed me. I was touched by one particular piece of Southwest art. It was a sculpture titled "The things I must do to maintain myself", and depicted a "clown" with a torn horn on his head. In his hands he held a needle and thread, and was trying to sew himself back together. I thought of myself, and the things I will be going through mend my body. I just really liked it. I also saw a woman going through chemo with a bald head and a bonnet barely covering it. I was a little startled, but know I will lose my own hair before long, and will have to adjust to that.
Met back with McKay, and we headed back home. It was a nice trip, and I got to relax for a while and take my mind off of things for some short spells.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Visiting family in Utah
Mckay and I decided we would continue with our plans to drop off Jacob and Martin in Utah. I could have scheduled my MRI and scans for Wed. July 16, but we would have had to cancel all of our travel plans. I was finally going to get to spend some time in Denver with McKay. Since he already knew he would be rolling off this project by the end of August, I really wanted to make this trip. We decided to delay the MRI until Friday, July 18. This would give us a chance to have a mini reunion in Utah with McKay's family (all but Shaun and Jason Kiana were there) and make sure Jake and Martin got to Utah safely. It was a good day. Emily and Andrew were already in Utah. Emily would be spending the week at BYU for her SOAR camp, and Andrew and Jacob would be visiting family for a week, then Jacob would go to cross country camp at BYU. Andrew would get another week to hang out with cousins, and then everyone would be back the week of the 21st.
We got to Utah, and had some spaghetti lunch (my favorite of Nan's cooking), and then went to church with them. Later, everyone was there for dinner. Ashley's new baby was blessed, and then I received a Priesthood blessing from Pampa. McKay and all of the brothers in law present were in the circle. The Spirit was very strong, and I was promised that the doctors would be very precise and know what to do for me, and that I would be healed in the Lord's time. I felt peace, and know that I will be healed if I have faith and put my trust in the Lord.
We had a family dinner, and all of McKay's sisters competed in the 1st annual Orange Roll Throwdown. Yum! All were good, but Heidi won the contest. We all visited for a long time, and then we had a family variety show. Lots of laughs and fun. I was anxious to know what the MRI testing would show, but I tried to remain calm and enjoy myself. I spoke to a woman in Nan's ward who had just recently finished her cancer treatment. Not really a similar cancer as mine, and brought more questions and concerns than reassurance, but it did make me realize that I had a lot of homework to do. The next morning McKay and I were off to Denver.
We got to Utah, and had some spaghetti lunch (my favorite of Nan's cooking), and then went to church with them. Later, everyone was there for dinner. Ashley's new baby was blessed, and then I received a Priesthood blessing from Pampa. McKay and all of the brothers in law present were in the circle. The Spirit was very strong, and I was promised that the doctors would be very precise and know what to do for me, and that I would be healed in the Lord's time. I felt peace, and know that I will be healed if I have faith and put my trust in the Lord.
We had a family dinner, and all of McKay's sisters competed in the 1st annual Orange Roll Throwdown. Yum! All were good, but Heidi won the contest. We all visited for a long time, and then we had a family variety show. Lots of laughs and fun. I was anxious to know what the MRI testing would show, but I tried to remain calm and enjoy myself. I spoke to a woman in Nan's ward who had just recently finished her cancer treatment. Not really a similar cancer as mine, and brought more questions and concerns than reassurance, but it did make me realize that I had a lot of homework to do. The next morning McKay and I were off to Denver.
Monday, July 28, 2008
My diagnosis
I drove to Plano with plenty of time. I didn't want to be rushed getting from the parking garage to the Dr's office. I wanted to be calm. Things would be o.k.
When they called me in to Dr. Canavan's office, I waited for her to come in. What was she going to say? Well, first she checked on my biopsy site. It appeared to be healing well. I hadn't had a lot of pain the night before. She sat on her stool in front of me, and said "we got the results from the pathologist, and it is cancer." Stage II, invasive lobular carcinoma. The lymph nodes were positive for cancer as well. She studied my face for my reaction. I didn't cry, I just shook my head up and down, like o.k., o.k. She immediately told me that it was treatable, and we were going to do everything we needed, and she wasn't going to let me die. I remained somewhat calm. She told me to get dressed and, that she would discuss with me what my treatment plan would entail. She asked if I was alone, and I told her my husband wasn't able to come home. She said I could call him on my cell, and he could hear what we talked about. After a few minutes, she came in, and showed me a diagram of the whole process. We talked about what hospital we would go to, and how she would perform a lumpectomy, and then I would have chemo and radiation. We set up further tests (MRI, ct scans and bone scan), and we would be able to tell if the cancer had spread. I learned that the term metastiasized refers to the cancer spreading to the lymph nodes, not necessarily to other body parts. But the further tests would tell us if it was anywhere else. I also learned that if it goes to your lungs, abdomen, brain, bones, or anywhere else, it is still considered breast cancer. Interesting. Well, it was Thursday, and McKay and I had planned to go to Utah that Sunday with Jacob and Martin Quintana, who was heading up to SOAR. I was so anxious to have further testing, that I just didn't know if we should take the trip. To further complicate it, my Dr. would be on vacation the week we got back, so it could delay our getting on with the process. She encouraged me to take the trip, and said I could have the MRI, etc. when I got back, and then surgery the last week of July. That put a little wrench into things, because our much anticipated trip to NYC was scheduled for Aug 1 to Aug 8. Could we delay the surgery for 2 more weeks and not jeopardize my health? Fear and doubt are not healthy for you. I promise.
When they called me in to Dr. Canavan's office, I waited for her to come in. What was she going to say? Well, first she checked on my biopsy site. It appeared to be healing well. I hadn't had a lot of pain the night before. She sat on her stool in front of me, and said "we got the results from the pathologist, and it is cancer." Stage II, invasive lobular carcinoma. The lymph nodes were positive for cancer as well. She studied my face for my reaction. I didn't cry, I just shook my head up and down, like o.k., o.k. She immediately told me that it was treatable, and we were going to do everything we needed, and she wasn't going to let me die. I remained somewhat calm. She told me to get dressed and, that she would discuss with me what my treatment plan would entail. She asked if I was alone, and I told her my husband wasn't able to come home. She said I could call him on my cell, and he could hear what we talked about. After a few minutes, she came in, and showed me a diagram of the whole process. We talked about what hospital we would go to, and how she would perform a lumpectomy, and then I would have chemo and radiation. We set up further tests (MRI, ct scans and bone scan), and we would be able to tell if the cancer had spread. I learned that the term metastiasized refers to the cancer spreading to the lymph nodes, not necessarily to other body parts. But the further tests would tell us if it was anywhere else. I also learned that if it goes to your lungs, abdomen, brain, bones, or anywhere else, it is still considered breast cancer. Interesting. Well, it was Thursday, and McKay and I had planned to go to Utah that Sunday with Jacob and Martin Quintana, who was heading up to SOAR. I was so anxious to have further testing, that I just didn't know if we should take the trip. To further complicate it, my Dr. would be on vacation the week we got back, so it could delay our getting on with the process. She encouraged me to take the trip, and said I could have the MRI, etc. when I got back, and then surgery the last week of July. That put a little wrench into things, because our much anticipated trip to NYC was scheduled for Aug 1 to Aug 8. Could we delay the surgery for 2 more weeks and not jeopardize my health? Fear and doubt are not healthy for you. I promise.
My visit with the breast surgeon
July 9
I had my appt. with Dr. Canavan. She was the one who did my biopsy last year, and I really like her. She's no nonsense. She's thorough and caring. She looked at my mammogram and ultrasound, and read the report, which mentioned perhaps a history of a trauma to the left breast. She asked me if I remembered being hit there, like elbowed or something, in the past. I couldn't remember anything like that. She did not seem concerned with the discharge from the right side, and said that happens to a lot of women. Hmm. But she looked at the mass on my left side, and noticed there was shadowing. This was concerning to her. She also saw the enlarged lymph nodes, and asked if I would be willing to do a biopsy of both right then and there. I agreed, because I wanted to get to the bottom of it. The week prior to this visit, McKay and I did exhaustive searches on the web. 80% of lumps turn out to be benign or nothing more than harmless cysts or fibrous tissue. So this was going to be fine, right? Well, she could tell I was edgy, and I told her that I hadn't slept well over the last week. She asked if I'd like a prescription for a sleeping pill, and I thought that would be fine. We went into another room, where she was able to pinpoint the mass with an ultrasound, and then took a needle to the right spot to biopsy it. She took several tissue samples, and then she went to one of the swollen lymph nodes, and did a "fine needle aspiration", which was sucking out some fluid from the node with a very fine needle. She took about 20 samples from there. She told me we'd probably have results by Friday, Monday at the latest. Maybe it was the look on my face, but she could tell that wouldn't be soon enough. She had her nurse check to see if there was still a courier in the building so that the samples could go out that day and we'd have results the next day. That sounded good to me. I left the office pretty sober, and started bracing myself for the worst, but I also felt a peace in my heart, so I thought it couldn't possibly be cancer. I called McKay on my drive back home, and he asked me if I wanted him to be there when I got the results. I told him I would be fine, and I didn't think it was going to be bad news. He didn't need to come home early. That night, I had a hard time sleeping, but I was greatful that I would know by the next day.
I had my appt. with Dr. Canavan. She was the one who did my biopsy last year, and I really like her. She's no nonsense. She's thorough and caring. She looked at my mammogram and ultrasound, and read the report, which mentioned perhaps a history of a trauma to the left breast. She asked me if I remembered being hit there, like elbowed or something, in the past. I couldn't remember anything like that. She did not seem concerned with the discharge from the right side, and said that happens to a lot of women. Hmm. But she looked at the mass on my left side, and noticed there was shadowing. This was concerning to her. She also saw the enlarged lymph nodes, and asked if I would be willing to do a biopsy of both right then and there. I agreed, because I wanted to get to the bottom of it. The week prior to this visit, McKay and I did exhaustive searches on the web. 80% of lumps turn out to be benign or nothing more than harmless cysts or fibrous tissue. So this was going to be fine, right? Well, she could tell I was edgy, and I told her that I hadn't slept well over the last week. She asked if I'd like a prescription for a sleeping pill, and I thought that would be fine. We went into another room, where she was able to pinpoint the mass with an ultrasound, and then took a needle to the right spot to biopsy it. She took several tissue samples, and then she went to one of the swollen lymph nodes, and did a "fine needle aspiration", which was sucking out some fluid from the node with a very fine needle. She took about 20 samples from there. She told me we'd probably have results by Friday, Monday at the latest. Maybe it was the look on my face, but she could tell that wouldn't be soon enough. She had her nurse check to see if there was still a courier in the building so that the samples could go out that day and we'd have results the next day. That sounded good to me. I left the office pretty sober, and started bracing myself for the worst, but I also felt a peace in my heart, so I thought it couldn't possibly be cancer. I called McKay on my drive back home, and he asked me if I wanted him to be there when I got the results. I told him I would be fine, and I didn't think it was going to be bad news. He didn't need to come home early. That night, I had a hard time sleeping, but I was greatful that I would know by the next day.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
How this all got started
July 1, 2008
I was just going through my calendar, and decided to get some things on the schedule, like teeth cleanings for my kids before school starts, physicals, and other items that needed to get done. I called my OB/GYN office, because I knew I was due for my annual checkup. They had an opening that afternoon! Yea. So I decide to take care of it. I really like Martha, the nurse practitioner. She's always been so friendly and professional.
Last year we had a little scare when my mammogram showed some microcalcifications in my right breast, but we looked into them and after a core needle biopsy, found that there were no abnormalities. I even went back in February for a follow up, and all appeared to be fine.
July came, I had my annual well check, and Martha told me that I had a lump in my left breast. I was stunned. Why hadn't I felt it? It made me upset. She said she felt one in my right breast as well, and said that I should schedule a screening mammogram and ultrasound to determine what was going on. I immediately went home, and was able to schedule it for July 3.
The x-rays seemed pretty rountine, but when she was doing the right side, she squeezed so hard to get the x-ray, I had a dark discharge leak through my nipple. What the heck? She said it was probably a harmless cyst that just burst. I was not comforted. What was going on? Then the x-ray tech told me to wait and make sure that we didn't need any more shots. A few minutes later, she returned and said that everything appeared normal. She said, "so, you felt a lump?" I told her that I hadn't before my exam, but that the nurse had felt one on each side. She said that the radiologist would want to do an ultrasound, but that everything seemed normal. When the ultrasound person examined my breast, she was able to feel a lump, and she could pinpoint a lump on the ultrasound. It looked huge. Panic time. Then she pointed out what normal tissue looked like, and how this was different. She also told me that things on the screen looked bigger than they actually were. She found my lymph nodes, and pointed out that they looked enlarged. Gulp. I was getting pretty nervous. On the right side, she said the ducts appeared enlarged and to be filled with matter, which was the discharge I had seen minutes before. After what seemed like an eternity, the radiologist came in and said that the mass on the ultrasound was suspicious, not really having a definite form, and that he couldn't say for sure what it was, but that my lymph nodes were enlarged. He apologized that he couldn't give me a definitive answer, and that he recommended I get it biopsied at my Dr's office. Well, being that the next day was the 4th of July, I knew that I'd have to wait to find anything else out. My appt. with Dr. Canavan was set for July 9, and I was just going to have to wait it out...
I was just going through my calendar, and decided to get some things on the schedule, like teeth cleanings for my kids before school starts, physicals, and other items that needed to get done. I called my OB/GYN office, because I knew I was due for my annual checkup. They had an opening that afternoon! Yea. So I decide to take care of it. I really like Martha, the nurse practitioner. She's always been so friendly and professional.
Last year we had a little scare when my mammogram showed some microcalcifications in my right breast, but we looked into them and after a core needle biopsy, found that there were no abnormalities. I even went back in February for a follow up, and all appeared to be fine.
July came, I had my annual well check, and Martha told me that I had a lump in my left breast. I was stunned. Why hadn't I felt it? It made me upset. She said she felt one in my right breast as well, and said that I should schedule a screening mammogram and ultrasound to determine what was going on. I immediately went home, and was able to schedule it for July 3.
The x-rays seemed pretty rountine, but when she was doing the right side, she squeezed so hard to get the x-ray, I had a dark discharge leak through my nipple. What the heck? She said it was probably a harmless cyst that just burst. I was not comforted. What was going on? Then the x-ray tech told me to wait and make sure that we didn't need any more shots. A few minutes later, she returned and said that everything appeared normal. She said, "so, you felt a lump?" I told her that I hadn't before my exam, but that the nurse had felt one on each side. She said that the radiologist would want to do an ultrasound, but that everything seemed normal. When the ultrasound person examined my breast, she was able to feel a lump, and she could pinpoint a lump on the ultrasound. It looked huge. Panic time. Then she pointed out what normal tissue looked like, and how this was different. She also told me that things on the screen looked bigger than they actually were. She found my lymph nodes, and pointed out that they looked enlarged. Gulp. I was getting pretty nervous. On the right side, she said the ducts appeared enlarged and to be filled with matter, which was the discharge I had seen minutes before. After what seemed like an eternity, the radiologist came in and said that the mass on the ultrasound was suspicious, not really having a definite form, and that he couldn't say for sure what it was, but that my lymph nodes were enlarged. He apologized that he couldn't give me a definitive answer, and that he recommended I get it biopsied at my Dr's office. Well, being that the next day was the 4th of July, I knew that I'd have to wait to find anything else out. My appt. with Dr. Canavan was set for July 9, and I was just going to have to wait it out...
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